Gender + Sexuality

Gender and Sexuality Part 1: Gender Dysphoria

If you are feeling as though your gender identity differs from that which you were assigned at birth, but you are unsure where to turn, this can be an understandably confusing time. Today, we will discuss gender dysphoria and how it may be affecting your everyday life, as well as some resources to help you better understand your experience. To begin, it is important to note that “gender” is a socially constructed idea that does not have definitive influence. Many of us were socially regulated to believe that gender is a fixed concept, however, the idea of gender is not concrete. It has no real relevance to how an individual should look, think, or behave. Also, when discussing the subject of gender and gender dysphoria, it is important to realize that not all transgender or gender-diverse individuals will experience this. However, if you notice that this is something you are questioning or wanting to learn more about, we have trained therapists that can help you on this road to a better understanding of yourself. 

Gender Fluidity

It is common for gender-diverse individuals to experience gender fluidity. This is when an individual may at times feel more ‘feminine’ or more ‘masculine’ – regardless of their gender assigned at birth. This is a natural expression of human experience for many people over the course of a lifetime. A lot of people will find that this is how they feel the most like themselves. One’s gender fluidity being questioned can be confusing. Gender-fluid individuals feel most congruent when using and having others use gender-neutral pronouns when referring to them. Keep in mind that not all gender transitions are shown through physical expression and/or medical transition, and this will largely be based on each individual’s needs. Perhaps you know you are gender diverse, but you do not want to make any physical changes (ie. clothing, cosmetic, hormonal, or surgical). Your gender fluidity may or may not involve any outward change. Others, however, may physically express their identity. Avoid focusing on what is deemed “normal” or conventional for your gender identity.

Pronouns 

Pronouns can be difficult to manage at first, especially if you are experiencing gender dysphoria. Often, an individual is unsure which pronouns they are most comfortable with at this point in their life, which can cause stress and confusion. If this is something that affects your mental health, it is important to remember two things. First, pronouns can change throughout your lifespan. If someone is pressuring you or there is self-imposed pressure to make a set decision on how you identify, this can impede progress towards self-understanding and development. Second, pronouns do not have to be permanent. Self-understanding comes from paying attention to your own thoughts and feelings.

Family and Friends

One of the most difficult parts of this process is dealing with the opinions of family and friends regarding your gender identity. Some are lucky to have supportive peers and family members, but others are not. If you find that your friends or family are not supporting your decision, remember: this journey is about you, not them. Although it can be difficult to deal with those around you being unsupportive, try your best not to let their opinions create stress and confusion. Try to find supportive spaces where you are accepted such as online or in-person support groups It is not your responsibility to alter your life and your identity in order to appease others. That being said, your mental and physical safety is a high priority. We understand that not every environment will feel safe enough to discuss your gender identity. For this reason, you may need to use discretion regarding when and where you have these conversations. Choosing this carefully will ensure that you are having these discussions within the right community and in an environment where you feel as safe and supported as possible. 

Therapy for Gender Dysphoria

There is a stigma surrounding therapy that causes people to believe that it is only used when something is wrong. On the contrary, therapy is not always about solving mental issues, it is beneficial to self-understanding and personal growth. If you are experiencing gender dysphoria, nothing is wrong with you, you are simply on the road to gaining an understanding of your own gender identity. Keep in mind that your therapist should aim to help you fully understand your own mind and body, without bias or opinion towards your choice. This is why choosing the right therapist will be very important. At our practice, we work with many gender variant individuals and our aim is to help you feel as comfortable within yourself and your identity as possible.